Oz Life (XII): Christmas (OJG)

"Go to the beach, have a beer and put a shrimp on the barbie". Well joking aside, that is close enough to what a lot of Aussies actually do.

Christmas is right in the middle of summer, so it is really hot. The last thing anyone here wants on Christmas day is a large roast turkey with all the extras. Maybe a snag (sausage) or shrimp (prawn) on the barbie, with a bit of salad on the side, but probably no more. A dip in the pool and plenty of ice cold drinks (beer/stubbie).

We heard a funny tale about an Aussie girl who went to the UK over Christmas and called home to tell them how "un-christmassy" it felt because of the cold weather and huge meals!

And on the TV they have an advert with a guy saying that Christmas Eve is one of their busiest nights with nearly everyone buying barbecues, which they then make that night in preparation for the Christmas BBQ with all the relatives!

So yes, they celebrate Christmas just as much here as they do the in the UK, they have the sales, the adverts, the street lights, the houses with tons of decorations, even Santa in the shopping malls. They have the same basic ingredients, they just use them a little differently.

Merry Christmas everyone,

Oly & Em

Oz Life (XI): Utes (OJG)

Utes as they are called here in Australia, Buckies in South Africa, and Pick-ups in the US. It's short for Utility, or more specifically Utility Vehicle.

The vehicle type basically does not exist in the UK, but over here, it owns the largest slice of the car market cake, and is pretty much dominated by Ford and Holden (The Australian arm of Vauxhall)

As far as I am concerned all Utes can be categorised as follows;

Age: Classic, 80s, or Modern.
Looks: Practical, Pimped, or Frankenstein.


As you'd expect in the middle of a city nearly all Utes are Pimped Modern. whereas in the outback you get a lot more 80s Practical and 80s Frankenstein.

Before some of our Australian readers get too angry with me, I feel it important to mention that I have seen truly nice examples of every possible combination. At the same time some have not been so truly nice.

Age speaks for itself and cannot be modified, but looks on the other hand are unique to each vehicle and can be modified until the roos come home!

Practical: Aluminium Flat Bed, Gloss paint job (usually with little knocks), lights along the front and on top of the cab, various tool boxes at the front of the bed, High suspension.... again fairly common ingredients. These Utes are pure utility, and are used by individuals as much as large companies to get jobs done!

Pimped: Aluminium V-8, Tinted windows, Pearl paint job (absolutely perfect), lights along the side and underneath, Speakers and amps completely filling the rear bed, lowered suspension... all of these things are fairly common. Of course, these Utes have no utility left in them whatsoever but I don't think that is the point!

Frankenstein: Well, I'm not sure of the basic ingredients for one of these, except that it just looks a mess! It can have any combination from the previous two types, and then some. Usually these abominations do not even look road worthy let alone able to carry things, and yet they zoom along the roads with their payloads just as well as everything else. I do wonder if they need a lightning bolt to get started? (Some sound like it!)

I will post more pics as I get them, but for now this will have to do as a taster.

Oz Life (X): Time Zones (OJG)

Most of the things that I have seen (and therefor written about) in Australia have had a bit more common sense applied to them than other countries... well here is a prime example where that all falls apart!

The time zones in Oz are really crazy, I still have no idea how it all works, I doubt if all Australians know all the peculiarities, and in order to write this with any sort of factual content I had to do a fair bit of research!

Ok, first of all the basics, Australia traverses 3 time zones, and as such you would be right to expect some time differences. Of course even this is not simple, and although the West part adapts GMT+8 and the East parts uses GMT+10, the central strip decided to go with GMT+9hrs 30mins. So when going from Northern Territory to Queensland there is only a 30 minute difference, hardly seems worth it!

So far then, 3 time zones to remember...

Now, the next piece of the puzzle, daylight saving! Most of the Southern based states of Australia use Daylight Saving in the summer, which creates two new time zones of GMT+10.5 and GMT+11. Western Australia which is the only state to stretch from the South to the North did not have daylight saving until a few months ago, when it was suddenly put forward a trial in state government, and within 2 months it had been passed as law and put into action with almost immediate effect.

Most of the areas start their daylight saving at the same time, but some do not. Tasmania specifically starts theirs nearly a month earlier. I believe some smaller areas stop later.

So now there are 5 zones to remember, and plenty of dates (and don't bother writing it stone, things change very quickly)...

Now the final piece, peculiarities! There are too many to mention, but I will try and give a few examples. Some small towns that are close to the borders adapt the time zone of their neighbouring state, such as Broken Hill in NSW. Other remote towns have decided to create a time zone of their own, specifying that it be half the difference of the two closest time zones; GMT+8hrs 45mins !!! Finally, when special events have taken place such as the Olympics and more recently the Commonwealth Games, the daylight savings dates have been changed in order to accommodate the event.

So, 3 time zones for half the year, 5 time zones the other half, several mini time zones, plenty of different dates (which can change at a moments notice), and I haven't even mentioned any of the islands. Yes, this has definitely been designed to confuse.

Oz Life (IX): Mosquitoes (OJG)

First off, I feel it is my duty to tell you that I HATE mosquitoes. Really really hate them. I do not think twice about killing one, and if I have seen one that got away, I will hunt it down for an almost disturbing amount of time!

I guess I could try and justify my hate by talking about malaria and other diseases that mozzies spread around so effectively, but in all honesty, my hate is purely selfish. I guess I have just been bitten too many times in the past.

I would have found it shocking to tell you that in every location apart from Uluru (middle of nowhere), I have seen mosquitoes. Would have, except for the fact that 1 month before we left Brighton, I killed 12 in one night (well once you see a couple, you know that it is time to don the hunting gear!). So I guess they are everywhere, and that is just part of modern life.

For the most part they come out at dawn and dusk, but in several locations I have seen them throughout the day. Particularly if it has been raining recently.

However, there is good news. Very good news! Australians have what I can only describe as a "Wonder" product; BushMan Plus ! BushMan, which is sold and praised by nearly all camping shops, is also used by the Australian army. But regardless of all that, the important thing is that it works. 7 hours protection, water resistant, and it even has some sunscreen thrown in!

The only issue with Bushman, or more specifically with the user applying it, is that every so often small areas get missed. And sure enough mozzies can always work out where. Devious little buggers.

So, yes I have had the odd bite, like on my lip, the side of my little toe, and a few other places that you would assume automatically safe, but for the most part I have been bite and itch free. Emelie of course gets no bites at all, and as such has no sympathy for my odd bite. Just once...

Oz Life (VIII): Caravan Parks (OJG)

Ok, I realise that this particular topic is probably not limited to Australia, but it is a major factor in our current every day life, and I am sure there are nuances that are Oz specific!

Straight off I will tell you that all caravan parks can be rated on one thing alone; The Ablutions (Toilets & Showers). Sure there are lots of other things that caravan parks have to make your stay that much more enjoyable such as pools, sports activities, wildlife, beaches, wireless Internet, etc. But really they are just nice to have extras, not part of the "must have" list!

So, ablutions, obviously they come in all shapes and sizes. We have seen ones not much bigger than a tiny hut with very little inside, and at the other end of the spectrum fair sized buildings with dozens of showers, toilets, sinks, changing areas, washing areas, the works!

The following is a list of what I believe makes a good ablution!

1: Cleanliness. It is something that the smallest and biggest need to be on top of, and most do. There is nothing more off-putting when you are trying to get fresh for the day.

2: Four or more sets of showers and toilets. All sorts of reasons can make you not want to enter one of those cubicles, the most common being that a huge bug has setup refuge there.

3: And following on from the last one, Bug Control. I don't know how they do it, but some places are just 100% bug free. And others are not. We have seen giant queen ants flying, giant beetles fluttering, giant grasshoppers hoping, armies of ants carrying, swarms of locusts jumping, geckos, spiders, hornets and of course the old favourite mozzies.

4. Decent toilet paper. I am sure you are all chuckling having just read that, but you all know it is true, and there is nothing worse than nearly transparent toilet paper. Thankfully I think only one place we have been to needed to skip corners that much.

5. Soap Dispenser. This is a funny one, because we have been to excellent sites with no soap, and really bad ones which had it. But basically having it available in the sink area is a real bonus, especially if you have been working on a kombi all morning and you are covered in grease.

6. Good Lighting, both inside and out. It's nice to see what you are doing, and what is around you! Also, when it is the middle of the night and you really need to go, you really don't want to start getting lost.

And that is all there is to it. Too easy!

Oz Life (VII): Books (OJG)

For some reason bookshops and therefore books seem to be in small supply in Australia. I did manage to find a few serious bookshops in Perth (discounted book shops do not count), but they were fairly small. Although I will say that about half the bookshops I did see were second-hand bookshops (with interesting titles!) which I believe to be a really good practice.

In addition to the lack of bookshops, the books themselves are fairly expensive, at a guess 50% more than the UK.

Now, I am not going to say that the reason for the above observations is due to the lack of demand by the general Australian public. No, I would never say that. What I will say is that whilst the UK public are happily reading their books in the evening or weekend, the Australian public are doing activities, playing sports, and working on personal "projects".

And all the while they are maintaining their significantly better level of fitness, of which the UK public as a whole can only dream about, or perhaps read about.

I suspect a good balance between the two would be the ideal, or maybe audio books whilst playing the said sport would be a good mix!

Oz Life (VI): Traffic Lights (OJG)

I know it does not sound interesting, and you'd probably be right. However, I did want to write a tiny number on them.

Traffic lights in Australia last longer. Both in regards to the Amber light and the Green / Red lights. The Amber light length has to be about twice as long as the UK. I am not sure if this is to compensate for Road Trains or not, but it basically means it is impossible to jump a red light unless you really meant to do it.

The Green and therefore Red lights are also longer, which means that if you are at a red light you can relax for a minute. It also means less stopping and starting when there is a queue of traffic ahead of you.

Nearly every junction I have seen has a separate set of ahead, right, and left lights.

If there should be a junction and therefore a set of traffic lights on a highway, they have flashing warning lights 300m ahead to alert you if the traffic lights are about to go red.

All in all, these little things make travelling that much more hassle free. Now there's an idea!

Oz Life (V): Quality of Life (OJG)

This particular topic will probably pop up a few times, but I will write what my thoughts are on it at this time now.

Several people have asked me what I thought of the living over here? do I like it over here? and so on. I reply that the yes, the quality of life is without doubt better. I then try to think about specifics that make it better, and struggle.

Having given it some thought I think I can encapsulate it with the following 2 observations:

First of all "space". It goes without saying that Australia has a lot of space, possibly even the largest amount of space per capita in the world, or close to that. Space makes a lot of difference. Space to build a home, space to store stuff, space to park your car, space to play your music without disturbing the neighbours, space to build safe roads and cycle paths. In effect having a larger amount of space means less conflict, it is as simple as that.

Secondly, "common sense". This is a difficult one to describe, but basically there seems to be just a tiny bit more common sense used in all areas of life. Even as I write this is seems almost ridiculous but that is the point. Applying just a tiny bit more logic into every part of the Australian Life collectively ends up making a huge amount of difference.

You see, I am in no way saying that life here is perfect, it is not. But what if it were a tiny bit better, an almost unnoticeable amount better, but in nearly all aspect of ones day. Then it starts to make just enough of a difference. It works, at least right now anyway. I can't really give examples, but you will read about these little differences all over our blog, and maybe you too will be able to see the sum significance.

Oz Life (IV): Rubbish (OJG)

No, not this blog, but the collection of! Now I can only really speak for Perth, but I will for the moment assume that the same is true for all of Australia.

Rubbish collection in Oz is very efficient and quick!

Having only ever known British bin collectors, you know the ones that arrive in gangs of about 5 and a truck, drag the bins out of their storage making as much noise as possible, and an equal mess on the pavement. It seems to take them 5 minutes to do each house, and often they will not even take all the rubbish.

Well in Oz it is a little different. The truck has a driver and that is it. It takes him about 15 seconds to do each house. I am trying not to sound too excited about garbage removal, but believe me it is such a leap forward from what I have been used, it is hard to hold back the praise.

The reason it is so quick is a good combination of technology and scheduling. Each area has a different day of the week that the rubbish will be collected. Recycled waste is collected additionally every alternate week. People place their rubbish bin(s) at the end of the drive in the morning ready for the collector.


When the truck arrives, it stops at the bin, an arm pops out, lifts up the bin and tilts it over into the back. It then places the bin back and driver is already moving to the next bin before the bin has touched the ground. And within 15 seconds he is at the next bin.

Just as an additional note, I will mention that the local council also do a garden waste pickup twice a year. They send out plenty of leaflets beforehand with the exact date, and it is then up to the resident to do any tree cutting, mowing, digging, whatever and place it outside the house before that date. It will all be taken away completely free. Makes sense to me.

Oz Life (III): Bugs (OJG)

Compared to the UK there are definitely a lot of bugs in Australia, I am not even going to try and say anything to the contrary. What I will say is that the vast majority of these are completely harmless, and mostly small.

Being someone that probably has the slightest shiver of a phobia towards bugs, and probably double that shiver when talking about spiders, being thrown into Australia has done me the world of good. It's like the saying goes, we are afraid of what we don't know. Well I am getting to know them, and my confidence with them is growing exponentially.

Having said all that, we have been driving all over the outback, and even though I have been searching at the roadhouses, I have thus far found only one dangerous bug; a red back spider. She was not easy to find!

In the city, the worst we saw were cockroaches, which seem to be in most areas. Of course Mosquitoes are also in big supply but they get their very own blog entry later.

In the outback, flies are a nuisance, but nothing more. A hat and a few whacks will usually discourage them from bothering you for too long. Of course whilst you are trying to change a tyre in the afternoon heat, that nuisance can escalate!

In some of the outback toilet areas I have seen huge beetles, giant ants with wings, enormous cockroaches, and large grass-hoppers. In all cases the bug was clearly trying to get away from me, I guess a potential predator!

One last bug I have to mention is the Goliath Stick Insect that we saw in a glass enclosure at the Desert Park in Alice. I can remember seeing, even playing with stick insects during biology classes when I was 12, perhaps like many of you. This stick insect (herbivore by the way) must have been 20 times the size (they can be over 25cm long)... I suddenly felt like I was Jason and Argonauts, and that some terrible special effects were being used to make it look bigger than it actually was... it simply could not be real. It was.

Oz Life (II): Personalised Number Plates (OJG)

I am not sure if it is a recent development or not, but personalised number plates are quite a big thing over here.

Here are the ingredients to this phenomenon.

Take a licencing department that allows any length of text, remove a pinch of restricted words, combine with a small price tag, add a generous helping of Aussie humour, and throw it all into a bowl of a couple of million punters.

The upshot is that it is easy to get what you want, and the likelihood is that someone else does not already have it. Or if they do, there will no doubt be a very similar variation available. Number plates only have to be unique to the state, not the country.

We have seen loads, only a third of which I have caught on camera (I have to drive as well), and some of them really did make us laugh. Apart from the usual owner's name, or business name, there have been some great comments.

Of particular note are 3 that I will quickly share with you now. The first was a supped up V8 Ute with all the extras. The number plate was "MISLED". Perfect. The next (possibly my favourite) was on a clapped out Nissan, with rust patches all over, one door a different colour to the rest, and some serious dent on the left hand side... "SITH LORD"! If ever a number plate was on the wrong car, this was it. The last car was the promiscuous Chrysler 300 in jet black with black tinted windows. Sith Lord would have been so appropriate here, but I guess "THE BOSS" was just as good.

Oz Life (I): Shop Names (OJG)

I will start my series on Australian Life with a cunning title I like to call Shop Names.

After much study into the subject I have deducted that Australia uses mad scientists to name the majority of their shops. Half of these mad scientists know that they have gone over the edge, whilst the other half have yet to realise their true standing.

As such, the names fall into two categories.

The first category is where the scientists have created hundreds of wormholes into new worlds: Garden-World; Watergarden-World; Bed-World; Retic-World; Horse-World; Saddle-World; Guitar-World; Camping-World; Machine-World; Pine-Furniture-World; Travel-World; Battery-World... to name but a few! Yes, they have links to every conceivable world. Amazing.

The second category is where the scientists have realised their madness, and frankly just named the shop after themselves: Crazy Clarks; Crazy Pedros; Crazy Dons; Crazy Jons; Crazy Eddys... and so on. To be honest, some of those Crazys might be Krazy with a K, but hey who's counting!

It goes without saying that if I were to open a shop with guaranteed success, it would be called Crazy World!